So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
