We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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