FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
