My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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