Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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