I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
