I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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