Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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