I accidentally had phone sex last night
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Girls should come with a carfax report
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
