My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
