her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
