Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
