dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
