Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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