In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What drink are we having for lunch?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
