Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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