So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
