I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
