I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The struggles of a small town man whore
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
