Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
