remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
