Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize