i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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