I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
