i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
