my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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