WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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