I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
