Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
