i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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