It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
