my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
