Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
