i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
