how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
