My nipple is on Facebook.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
