I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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