I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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