i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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