today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
