i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I am available for nakedness
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
