im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
