I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
