On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
