her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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