mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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