i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
