We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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