Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
