It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
