I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
