Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
