tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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