Why are handjobs necessary in class?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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