Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wish life had little blips of pornography
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
