haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My pussy is not your playground.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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