Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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