You can't special order awesome
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize