sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
