Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
