Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
