i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you didnt know i had herpes?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
