Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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