I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
