It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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