Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
