Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
wow bdsm is so cute
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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