Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize