You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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