Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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