You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize