take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
