Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
