shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
