He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
