I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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