Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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