You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
