I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Small penises have feelings too.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
