I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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