Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
