walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
